The Girlfriend Experience

People define the "girlfriend experience" in many different ways. Some make lighthearted jokes about leaving their hair in your shower, or stealing your food after swearing they weren’t hungry.  While to others, it’s nothing more than a list of acronyms strung together.

For me, it’s exactly what it sounds like: for the amount of time you choose, I am your girlfriend.

As a polyamorous woman, I love exploring what makes each connection unique. Clients sometimes ask me if they are special or different from the others I see. My answer is always an honest resounding "yes"! There is no one else like them, and no other relationship like ours. Every individual I spend time with brings something entirely their own, and our time together becomes an experience no one else will have. Each connection has its own inside jokes, shared passions, favorite restaurants, and rituals; little moments that belong only to us.

Just because I’m being paid for my time and attention doesn’t mean I don’t see it as a real date. When we are together, we are dating.

Being polyamorous for over a decade has taught me the beauty of having deep, meaningful relationships with multiple people. It’s about creating connection and intimacy that’s unique to the person in front of me.

So, what does the girlfriend experience mean to me?

It’s making inside jokes over dinner and laughing just a little too loudly.

It’s sharing passions, experiences, and dreams.

It’s trying a new restaurant neither of us has visited before, or discovering a dish we don’t love and ending the night with a burger instead.

It’s me persuading you to give oysters another chance, even if you’re sure you won’t like them, just to see me smile.

It’s you letting me have a tiny sip of your cocktail, knowing I don’t drink but still enjoy tasting the flavors.

It’s when I can’t decide between two dishes at our favorite restaurant, and you happily order one so I can have a taste of both.

It’s you taking photos of me on my phone so I can capture the memory forever.

It’s giving me a handwritten card that I’ll keep in my scrapbook.

It’s checking in about outfits before we meet, sometimes even coordinating them.

It’s wearing the themed socks I adore or the boxers that make me laugh.

It’s every rose you give me, sitting on my bedside table so it’s the first thing I see in the morning.

It’s me giving you a massage after a long day or wearing your favorite outfit just to lift your mood.

It’s holding each other in quiet, intimate moments at the end of a date.

And it’s more than the moments we spend together. Even when we’re apart, whether it’s been days or months, I still think about you. I hope you’re well. And when your name pops up in a text or email, my eyes light up and my stomach fills with butterflies at the thought of a new adventure with you.

That’s the girlfriend experience to me. It’s leaving you feeling loved and cared for, desired and enough—worthy of intimacy. The greatest thing I could ever accomplish in this life is for someone to walk away from me feeling better than they did before we met.

“If I Bring Anything To This World, 

I Need It To Be This:

I Hope That You Feel Loved Around Me.”

—Brianna Pastor